Pretty much the best...

Kids make me sick

2008-09-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know if there's some secret society of child rearers who, clothed in dark cloaks gather and plan our destruction. But I have some pretty high suspicions these people exist. My primary proof of this evil organization is that when people's kids are sick, they don't tell you that until you've picked them up and allowed them to breath on you. My best friend and his wife are members in good standing. After spending the better part of a day with him and his kids, one of whom i snuggled with while she fell asleep, he told me they had some weird thing where they had snotty noses and diahrea but nothing else. That's actually quite a bit, especially when you're running full out on a treadmill at the gym. Turns out in addition to those visible symptoms there are some pretty fantastic stomach cramps that the kids couldn't articulate.

These people wage war on us because they hate us or more precisely they hate our lack of responsiblity. The fact that I just went to the beach for the last three days on a whim insites demonic rage that only a campaign of biological warfare can satiate. They are winning this war people. If they can't go about willy-nilly doing as they wish why should we? What right have we to have fun when they're toiling on the next generation of people? Sadly, I know when my time comes, I'll join their rank and file and rain down sickness and pain aplenty on my unsuspecting single friends. What can I say? I'm a sheep also the benefits are amazing.

Lightening striking sea sickness

2008-09-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of nightmares. Invariably I have them the night before I go to the temple, or if I've read about or seen anything with a rattlesnake in it a few hours before bedtime or had pizza right before bed. I've had the standard old nightmares of being attacked while in bed, being pinned down unable to breath or scream or talk or communicate, being watched from outside my window, watching rattlesnakes cover my bedroom floor, vanity, headboard, nightstand and slither in my shoes and eventually up my bed. I've drowned, been shot, forgotten, slashed to pieces, fallen from great heights, been choked, trampled and in car wrecks, trapped under ice, even never born (that's surreal let me tell you) but never have a I had a dream like last night.(maybe those aren't your standard old nightmares but its what I get) The dream couldn't have been more then moments in real time, even in dream time it was quick.

I found myself in a brick house with white trim, nice new double pane windows and furniture several decades out of date. The house had a familiar air. The same cold, damp smell of my Uncle Al's basement. A smell from childhood. Not an unpleasant smell but unexpected in a second story bedroom. A steady, fat rain beat on the window, ran down the siding and gushed out the gutters into planters. Its interesting to me now that I could see the exterior of the house from within. But dreams always have their own rules you understand inherently while you dream.

I was hell bent on getting to my car, which was white and a sedan and parked on the street just to the left of the drive way. I ran down steps from the second story to the drive way. Steps that weren't there moments earlier when I surveyed the exterior. I was drenched by the time I got to the corner of the grass and the sidwalk where a large tree sat. Coming underneath the tree my cell phone, unknown to me until now, vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and felt the air charge with electricty, it arced between the ends of my half open flip phone. I threw it away and watched it go supernova in the street. Unaware, I found I'd thrown myself downand was doing my best to hug the grass and be flat. Lightening came down and bloomed all over the tree, poured onto the ground and ran through me, over me and out of me. It arced between tree branches, my fingers and my teeth. I felt no real pain only a distant pressure all over me. I thought I might be the first person to actually drowned in electricity. It kept coming, strike after strike, not disappating but pooling, rolling over the ground and burying me in blue white brightness.

And that's where I woke up. Not startled, or gasping but uncomfortable. I was on my stomach, spread eagle, fingers dug into my matress with a smidgen of drool down my chin. My hands were numb. I rolled off the bed, tripped to the light switch and squinted at the bright bulbs in my lamp. My clock read 430, only three hours till my temple trip. Another temple trip tradition under my belt. Also, my stomach hurt.

Just a lad

2008-09-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

I turn 29 this month. The fact isn't bothering me on a constant basis, its more like smaller spasms of bother like an eye twitch. I'm saving up the anxiety like a fat store of worry, for those times when everything's going great, whenever that is. As the years go by the idea of a worry free or at least worry-less-than-now future seems about as real as the tooth fairy. (jeez somebody's kid is screaming its lungs out right now, its unbelievably loud. Clearly this lady doesn't care that her kid just ran down my isle flinging its spitty straw about, I still can't even tell if its a boy or a girl, maybe it's Pat) Aging is supposed develop you somehow. It feels more like its breaking me down. Its stripping away my inhibitions, my sense of propriety, and piece by piece my sanity. I can understand why if you live long enough someone ends up emptying your bed pan. Perhaps, just perhaps, you figure out "hey being a baby was pretty much as good as my life got so I'll head back that direction". That seems to be what happens. Your hair falls out, your teeth fall out, you shrink, you start being dressed up in ridiculous ways, you lose the ability to connect on an understandable level with anyone, buttons and lights make you smile with wonder, and you shuffle about teetering and tottering about to collapse. I mean you if you hang around this place long enough people will even start feeding you. I have to say, on those really lazy days when lay in bed for hours, dozing and staring off its pretty great.

Unfortunately to go that direction as a 28 year old grown man is frowned upon. Meanwhile, some 80 year old is slumped over in his chair, having pudding shoveled into his face and we say, he's earned it after all that toil. We even feel sorry for him. He's probably just laughing his azz off behind closed doors having finally figured out the system.

The big plus side of birthdays at this age is that most of your friends and family are working full time and can afford to drop some change on you, that is if they really love you. (hint hint) Giving gifts on someone's birthday is kind of a weird tradition if you think about it. "Here you go I got you this colored paper and shirt to say, hey I'm glad you're not dead yet." Just what is it we're celebrating here? The fact that I was born? or that I'm not dead yet? At some point it clearly goes from one to the other. (holy crap I think there's a girl in leather pants looking at magazines....wtf? leather pants? who ARE these people?...yup they're definitely leather I just want to go up and ask why? its like a million degrees today and she doesn't really have the ehum..shape for them) I think that at first its about celebrating the birth. Then you get to the middle years, say 8-68 or so. Those years seem a little forced so we attach significance to them with little mini bosses. 13 you're finally a teenager, 16 you can drive, 18 you can get the hell out of your parents house, 21 you can drink, 25....dont know why this one's significant, 30...end of the 20s, 40 middle age, 50 half a century, 65 retire (psh yeah right).

Might as well capitalize on the 20s. I really need to get to work on a birthday gift list. I've got a few things already that would be nice. A wetsuit, a bike, another year of disneyland, maybe a new longboard of my own, perhaps a flat screen tv. I guess most of those are pretty big ticket items but I have real needs here people. Also if anyone can figure out how to fit a new job into a box and get it to me that'd be swell.

Some sort of a nexus for these people

2008-09-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

It turns out I'm a magnet for people with social disorders. Some how I keep running across these people. Our lives run parallel and occasionally intersect. Like God is reminding me that im only a hairs breath away from being on a constant course with them. Now that's real motivation for behaving.

On these occasions we run into each other I'd say its a 70/30 split between on the road and in bookstores. Maybe that just tells you what I spend my time doing, driving to bookstores, mostly. There are the other times where its not an occasion but a series encounters, like my last job. One of my bosses, the micro manager. There he was everyday socially alergic to not being an ass.

But here I find myself once again thrust up against the pulsing, ugly face of the socially disabled. Today there's three of them. The fat ass and the two harlots. Upon my last visit to the bookstore he (the fat ass) was here. He's as close to a real world representation of Comic Book Guy as you can get. Greesy brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, forest green polo shirt, a sweet sweet pair of jorts (no I'm not kidding) and two fat feet straining the tensile strength of his flip flop straps. The last time I was here he was hogging all the power outlets. Now he's talking loudly on his cell phone hogging some power outlets. I wonder if his mother knows he's emerged from his basement bedroom? At any rate, there he is breathing my air, flakey scalp spinning off, twirling away in all directions, mixing with the motes in the air. (For my next trick I'm going to write a sentence containing only commas) All of it caught up, playing along in the light streaming in the window. It would be kind of beautiful if I was on my own air supply watching from aprotective plastic screen maybe encased in some sort of a biohazard suit. Gross.

The two harlots I saw as I was driving up to the bookstore. They were treking across the vast parking lot, huffing and puffing. Lord knows why. At least they couldn't be that hot given the amount of clothing they were wearing. Then again, I'll bet a quarter inch of makeup can trap some serious bodyheat. I didn't pay them much attention really other then to shake my head and think, who are your mothers? While I was signing onto the wifi network tweedle skank and skankier showed up at the coffee shop I was situated at. They were carrying on like they were on cellphones. So freakin loud. I found out they're from Seattle and are so glad to find a Seattle's Best Coffee shop in the area. I honstly thought they might be a little drunk they were so loud. Meanwhile I give them a sideways stinkeye hoping to shame them into submission. If only... Here's the really annoying/embarrassing part: I get up to buy some water, while I'm waiting for the salesman I hear, "hey do you need a bandaid?", I turned to my right, the blonde one was looking at me, skank mode fully deployed. I was waiting for her to drop a pen and do a bend and snap but instead I said, "Excuse me?", pointing to my arm she reponded"I said, did you need a bandaid? cause you're all cut up" I looked down at my arm back at them, noting the latin chick's tatoo and bra strap hanging past her shoulder. I turned back to the salesmen, made the ookkaaaayy eyes at the guy and paid, turned around and while heading back to my seat the blonde one shouted, "I was just complimenting your hot body." What the hell? Who does that? I wanted to pop right out of existence right then.

That's just my latest interaction with the shambling masses of humanity, bent on proving they're just as stupid as they look. Look at Comic Book Guy, he's still there breathing my air, yeeaahhuuuh.

I think I'm so clever

2008-04-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I read I want to write. I will even have a notion of what I'd like to say or perhaps a story to tell. It ends there, generally. I've got the big ideas, the big emotions but I'm sadly lacking in the virtues. Namely, words to string together to lay it all down. You'd imagine maybe, perhaps, I'd have picked up something from the books I've read over the years. Unfortunately writing, good writing, you can't get by reading good writing, you actually have to do it. That is not to say you can't learn good writing from reading good writing but you just on occasion have to actually put something down on paper, or pixels.

Maybe this blog is my attempt to do that. To srcibble down the frantic, fleeting growth inside my head I'd call a story. I think I'll give it more of a try, in the very least you all can amuse yourselves at my expense, I have no problem with that.

Considerations

2008-04-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

Starting a blog post or a paper or almost anything I'm writing that will be seen by others, except a journal entry, can take me hours to do. Even though I know I'm going to go back and edit, and more than likely it will be placed at the end of the work, I need to start off in the right tone, the right punch. The idea that you only get one chance to get someone's attention always preys on my mind. Of the countless things to read and take in this person is foregoing all of that to read what I've written. Its intimidating. Its comical. Especially considering the readership of this blog is nonesxistent. But if someone's going to see it possibly, even if its a theif in the night, I have to try and get it juuuust right. Its directly related to being my mothers son. Only instead of made beds we're dealing with ideas and concepts encapsulated (what a great word) in sentences. Plus you have to slave away to write something funny or amusing because you don't have comedic timing to take advantage of like you do when you're in real time. Instead you end up doing this a lot.......punchline. Its hackish but effective. At least I'm not up here wearing a pair of rainbow suspenders shouting, "Who's ready to LAUGH!"

People tell me to blog, that they'd like to read what I've got to say. You poor simpering fools, how I have you fooled(hence why you're fools). Is it good manners to call your readership (is that a word?) fools? If you're still reading....well, enough said. On a completely unrelated note, I've added Elle Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong to my Jack Johnson station on Pandora....its effing epically good. A little Jack a little Ella, some Nat King Cole its like drinking from a fountain of smooth poetic dreams. Just kind of courses through your brain, down through your toes and makes you feel like the most romatic sonofabitch alive. I recommend it. Ok time to publish this thing.

I've got a lot problems with you people and now you're going to hear about them

2008-04-03T10:09:00.001-07:00

Contrary to the title of this post its not going to be a tirade. Please ignore my gaping absense on the net. I've been busy, and well, disinterested in blogging. I just realized I often put commas in sentences where I should put elipses(sp?). Ah well, it is what it is.....I don't like that phrase(a comma would have been much better there, dang it!). I hear it all the time at work, as well as "all things being equal". That's just a way to say, "you need to disregarding anything that might prove or imply that I'm wrong in order for me to be right so that you're actually wrong." I guess, "all things being equal" is at least succinct.

So I've been reading lately. Reading a lot actually. You see I don't have a TV anymore. In fact since you last heard from me I moved into a place by myself. It's remarkable. Initially the lack of a television was disconcerting. Now its comforting. As I said, I read a lot. Not even good (by the educational world's standards or maybe even Church standards) books really. Its great. I dont have to read "the classics" or some popular book I can just read whatever stumbles, or shambles (we mustn't forget shambling books) across my path. I've picked up a few of John Scalzi's novels and they're fantastic. What could be more fun then old people, in space, fighting wars with aliens? I'm not sure either. I mean you know my disdain for the elderly. I think it's a great idea. Once they reach the age of 75 we can shoot them off into space and let the cosmos deal with their slow, dangerous driving, their tyranical diatribes about youth, and their death(pun intended) grip on healthcare. I don't care if you did fight the Kaiser you're going into space where we'll let the relativistic problems of FTL travel deal with you. In the very least I'll be dead by the time you get back this way. (For those of you who don't have a clue, FTL is faster than light, and the relativistic problems have to do with the principle that as you approach the speed of light the passage of time slows down so theoretically you could age a year and everyone else would age 10, though that ratio isn't even close to being correct from a mathematical stand point) At any rate, Scalzi's a good author, he's agnostic, maybe atheistic, but who isn't from time to time?

I also just finished a great book by David Sheff, called Beautiful Boy. It's about his family's life, before and during his oldest son's addiction to drugs. It was a sad book, but inspiring and hopeful as well. Alright, I'm hungry and since I'm not traveling anywhere close to the speed of light its still early enough to get a panini from Corner Bakery. What I'd really like is an improbability drive. Basically its this; a subatomic particle is most likely to be in a particular place, such as near the nucleus of an atom, but there is also a small probability of it being found very far from its point of origin (for example close to a distant star). Thus, a body could travel from place to place without passing through the intervening space (or hyperspace, for that matter), if you had sufficient control of probability. Basically you could pop from place to place, it'd be fantastic.

Finally, I've found two new online comics that are a lot of fun. I'll post about em later.

Awesomest Worker

2007-05-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

So I just checked my blog for the first time since my last post because someone named Anonymous said they enjoy my sarcasm and that I should write a column. I don't like to jump to conclusions....I really don't I just do it a lot, but I think he/she or heshe might be one of the greatest people I've ever been commented on by. I've long felt that people should have to read what I write. And writing a column someplace for someone would be perfect. I mean how talented am I? So talented I can link to someone elses opinion and get credit for being awesome. On another note, ignore the link on the last post, it was previously linked to an opinion piece about the reaction to the Virginia Tech shootings but now it appears to be something about politics. Politics aren't bad but I have no comment on them usually. So yeah, don't click on the link. I can't believe you just clicked on the link. Click off!! Go click yourself! Those are not my jokes but you'll never figure out whose they are.

My thoughts exactly.

2007-04-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

I got this link off of the Drudge Report, my favorite online news source, and thought it was a very complete, clear and correct opinion about the nation I live in.

http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/

My first real encounter with being screwed by a big company

2007-04-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

I often complain about one of my bosses being analretentive and never trusting anyone to do what they say they're going to do. I still think he needs counseling. That's no way to live and its no way to treat other people. I'd rather trust people and get taken advantage of then live my life always having to search out something to hold over the other person in case you have to negotiate something. I will not live like that, its just wrong.

Which brings me to my current perdicament. On the 20th of March I ordered a new phone from Sprint. I got a flyer in the mail about deals on new phones, I realized the one I was using was about two years old and thought I'd get a new one. So I called the number on the flyer and was put through to what I was lead to believe was a salesman. He took my order and all that stuff. My bank account was charge money and I waited...and waited and waited. Nearly a month as has gone by and nothing. I figured someone had stolen it off my front porch. Well I called sprint, check that, attempted to call sprint. I talked to them four different times in one day. Each time I called customer care I had to repeat the whole story they'd then transfer me to the sales department. Only I'd either get dropped, I was on hold for thirty minutes or I'd make it through and then they'd tell me (after repeating the entire story I'd just told customer service) that they couldn't help me and that I needed to talk to customer service. After doing that a few times yesterday I gave up.

So this morning on the way to work I tried again. After going through the process of getting customer service and explaining everything I was transfered not to the sales department but to the initial login to get to customer service.....I was starting to get upset. So I called back again, FINALLY talked to someone in the sales department that didn't have their head up their ass and she informed me that I had actually not ordered the phone but instead Sprint had just charged me 150 dollars and put it as a credit on my cell phone bill. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!

As a side note, my roomate ordered a new phone from SprintPCS last week and it actually arrived on Tuesday of this week. WTF!! I've been with Sprint for going on 5 years now. How many people can you say have that kind of loyalty to a cell phone service? So this next time I call back to figure out what the hell they're going to do for me I'll let you know what goes down. I just needed to get that off my chest. That is all.

Boring post.

2007-04-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, two posts in two days. Choke on it. I got in to work early today because I knew there was going to be problems installing our new phone system at our new location. My suspicions were confirmed when I received a somewhat upset call from the instillation company complaining about our property managers request for proof of insurance. You try to avoid this stuff and it never works does it? I've decided to just be calm about it all. I've moved everything back a day. I'm sure I'll get to hear all about how I'm responsible for the building management leaving that detail out. Like I said I'm just going to be calm and chill about it. Its no rush, thankfully.

On a different note I'm trying to buy a nintendo Wii. Which for some reason is like trying to get your hands on some of the books from the library of Alexandria. They just don't exist anymore. Why would nintendo do this to me? I've always been a loyal consumer, never straying. You can get them on ebay for around 450 dollars. If they were available in stores they'd be 250. I might as well buy an xbox360. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for the wonderful Itrackr to let me know when a store nearby gets some in. Its a great online service if you're trying to find hard to get items. It will even send a text to your phone alerting you where and when stuff is coming in. How cool is that?

I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow. My brothers family is in town and my friends birthday is this week and she wants to go also so we'll go run around. Thank goodness I have my season pass. So worth it. I'm disappointed I don't have anything humorous to share. So I'll let you go as I get ready to spend the day dodging phone calls and hiding from attorneys.

I'll bet you thought I was dead.

2007-04-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

I was reading some aquantances blog's today and thought to myself, self you should post on your blog and see if Robb still has it on his RSS feed. We'll soon find out. I know you're all aglow with anticipation to see if my old married friend Robb has me in RSS. Frankly I think RSS sounds like an acronym for retardation or something. But that's just me being politically incorrect. Like the time I said I thought I might be too good looking to date this one girl. Yeah, that just really came out of my mouth, what's worse is at the time I actually thought it was true. I'm a bad man. So as I sit here and wait for my boss to arrive and shout out orders with all the speed and acumin of a pirateship capitan I'm reminded of why I started to keep this blog in the first place. To kill time and entertain myself and maybe a friend or two. I think its also important for you all to have a view into the OC life that I have here. I know you all think its sunshine and hot women with fake breasts, and really it is mostly that. But being a rabid mormon I miss out on the fake breasts for the most part, and since its always sunniest on Sundays I miss that too.

Though I have taken up running again. And by again I mean two days out of the last three, I don't want to sound like I've been hard at it for months. So remember how I had a personal trainer and was in this insanely good shape? Yeah, that's in the crapper. I've now got a nice belly going on and havnt been to the gym in a month. WTF? I mean I can't believe how sucky I've been about going to the gym. I used to run two or three miles a day AND lift weights for an hour and a half, five days a week AND do plyometrics once a week. For the uninitiated plyometrics is not a drug its a way to train your muscles for really quick strong movements like jumping squats with a medicine ball or push ups where you push up hard enough to have your hands leave the ground along with your body. Sufficeth to say I am NOT in that kind of shape anymore. I desperately want to be there again. Clearly I don't want it bad enough to make the effort. But coming back to the personal trainer thing. I miss it and want it again. It just rocked. Jeez this is a boring post. I'm ending it before it gets any worse. I'll try and post something a little more interesting next time. Like...how I just had three donuts for breakfast and then scolded the guy I share an office with for eating a granola bar for breakfast cause its not healthy. I rock.

I Love Comics

2006-09-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

So I love comics, so sue me. Go ahead, try, I work at a law firm and you'll lose you litigious bastards. I'm not talking just comic books here either, I'm talking Sunday comics of the Calvin and Hobbes variety, crap scribbled on pieces of paper, ancient scrawlings on cave walls, all of them awesome. What you'll see below is a one panel comic of genius. I laughed out loud for real. Oh here's the website where said comic was found: http://xkcd.com/

Beyond Creepy

2006-09-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the link posts but I just havnt had time to get a decent post in. However, I think you'll agree that this youtube video is one of the scariest things you'll ever see. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBXr15K2uSc

Somewhere Paul Is Rolling Over in His Grave

2006-08-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.armorofgodpjs.com/

Things I hate...yes hate!

2006-08-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

The IT people are at my office today, and since my comp is the server I'm relegated to a side office and a laptop(my former office actually that I enjoyed and then was kicked out of and moved into a bigger albeit shared office). So as I sit here reading boingboing.net and being geeky by reading about comicbooks and other non "cool" stuff there is a continual parade of people from other offices and businesses that are loud and do stupid things that bug me.

-People with earpiece/bluetooth tech that yell as they walk by.
-Groups of people that stampede by, stomping so hard the pens on my temporary desk vibrate.
-My boss walking by mail key in hand going to check and see if we got any of what we call good mail otherwise known as checks for large sums of money. Of course, never in our 8 month history has the mail come before 4pm, yet he checks it prior to 4pm on a semi regular basis. Besides the obvious reason for not checking due to prior experiences its actually my responsibilty and a responsibility they've reminded me of many times to check. Why don't they just hire a goddamn monkey to check the mail? Oh wait there goes one now key in hand to check the mail at 330pm. Dumbass.
-The front desk girls incredibly loud heels.
-People playing games in the bathroom on their cells.
-Not having an inexpensive place to dine at lunchtime.
-Having to move because they've upped my rent.

Heartbreak

2006-05-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Well I worked really hard on a posting for today and now its gone. How terribly unsatisfying. Here's the picture I was going to put at the end of it. Siiiiiigggghhhhh.

And Now for Something Completely Different

2006-05-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

I came across these on flickr and thought they should be posted here cause if this isnt funny, I don't know what is.

Grand Theft Auto

2006-05-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

At some point between the hours of 8:00pm and 8:30am Pacific Standard Time someone stole my car. I'm going to bet its in pieces by now, though I hope its alright and I get it back cause I really don't want a car payment. I'd say more then anything the emotion the whole thing evokes is annoyance. You can't do anything on the west coast without a car, its just not made for that type of living, carless living that is. On the good side, Enterprise Rent a car was way cool and got me a loaner asap. So now I'm rolling in a sweet Nissan Sentra. The girl that picked me up at my apartment tried to sell me on buying a new car from Enterprise's lot. Apparently its way cheaper and the cars arnt even used. So maybe I will look into that. I'm just hoping that the car does turn up and I can get back to life as usual. Other then that nothing much is going on. Man I just realized what a pain in the ass buying a new car is going to be. All the shopping around, scrounging up cash dealing with salesmen, THE lowest form of life. I guess I'm just lazy. If you told me my car would last me the rest of my life I would never buy a new one out of shear practicality. I mean you have to go through the whole process of buying a new car plus when you drive it off the lot the resale value automatically plummits to like depression era prices. So, while it would be a cool thing to get a new car/truck meh, just give me back my 97, biege, honda accord lx and I'll be happy, also please include the CDs that were in there and my new surfboard rack....DAMN that surfboard rack was BRAND new. At least I got to use it once and I got wax all over it. Now I'm going to have to burn a bunch of new cds from itunes. How funny is it that when I called my mom to get some insurance information from her and told her my car was stolen she blurts out, " oh it was those new hubcaps!" Haha, right mom that's what they wanted it for, brand new stock hubcaps. She actually laughed I think, as did my boss/brother-in-law and so did the other partner at my law firm. They thought it was pretty funny, and really what else are you going to do? Cause its so wierd. Who steels cars? Honestly? I mean if it ends up being involved in a high speed chase and totalled, I'd actually be as cool with that as I would be if I got the car back cause then I'll know it met a good end, well, exciting end anyways. So now I just am supposed to wait and see what happens. I think I'll go check out some used car places online meanwhile, see if I can't find a suitable replacement.

Something I'll be adding on too...

2006-04-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

So I have so many complaints to register about my two new bosses that I hardly know where to begin but here's one:after dropping a huge project, without any notice, in my and my coworkers lap, you continue to ask me to do things for you today, things you think are immediate when clearly what we're working on will make or break the hearings you have in court tomorrow, in addition, you keep asking me to do stuff you've already asked me to do...also did you know its 130 and I'm just taking lunch which is WHY I havn't be able to do all the extra shit you asked me to do? Dumbass.

What do I title this?

2006-04-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Quick update, I live in Newport, if you didn't know this you probably don't read this blog anyways because you don't know me and I would have just told you if I did know you, unless I'm trying to marginalize our friendship in which case I don't live in Newport. You've missed my run on sentences havnt you. I wish I had more to say then I moved but there's nothing I want to note in the past few months. I guess I could get on here and say how much I hate my bosses sometimes or how the social life here is a complete mystery to me ( did I spell mystery right? I can never tell).

So today's plans are to go play ultimate frisbee for a bit. I really need to get out and do something so it will be good. There's no real point or anything to this post. I've got no ax to grind....well that's not true I just don't have an ax I want to specifically grind here. I'm kind of falling asleep while writing this. Its not like I had a late night or something. All I did was go to the Long Beach v BYU volleyball game. In true BYU fashion they choked at the end and blew it. I thought I'd post some pics so you guys can see what I've been doing and what life here is like.

Sometimes we have picnics:

So relaxing:

Or we go bowling and I look like a total pimp while scoring relentless strikes:

One of my only close friends here:

Another friend:

So there ya go. A slice of life or whatever. Enjoy it cause that maybe all that you're getting.

Post Holiday Post

2005-11-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

Well looks like Thanksgiving is over. I've just been helping my sister put up her Christmas decorations. Its been like 12 hours since Thanksgiving day was over and BAM on to the next one. I just hope I dont have to climb up ladders and things at my house to put stuff up. Vaulted ceilings can be dangerous, let me tell you.

I'm missing the flag football game at home today, which kind of sucks but oh well they're always be more games and stuff. I also missed my muah thai class today which REALLY sucks. But I'm sure my trainer didnt want to come into the gym today anyways. He's probably still a little hung over from yesterday.

I hear the new Sunday School lessons for next year are in the Old Testament. Can I just say "YAWN".... Actually I only say that cause I know the Old Testament about as well as I know particle physics. The great thing about teaching the BOM or D&C in Sunday school is that I've got TONS of extra info just stored up in my brain. Which I can use to spice up lessons or interrupt people's malaise in the middle of a lesson about tithing. Like last Sunday, when that Sunday's teacher forgot he was supposed to speak in a ward 45 minutes away so I got it dumped on me about 5 minutes before class. I kid you not, five minutes. Lucky for me I hadnt even read that weeks assigned reading so I had no clue what we were talking about that day AND I didnt have a manual to go off of. But it actually turned out really well, it was one of the lessons I've enjoyed more. I just pulled out a list of scriptures about Prayer that I'd made during my mission. So we just read the scriptures and discussed them. It was fun AND it was how I think Sunday School ought to be. The ought to be discussions about scriptures not stuff you just read and share with the class, though all those cool qoutes from the prophets are pretty useful. Maybe I'll end up having to do more of that with the Old Testament stuff seeing as how I've got no anicdotal stuff to add to the lessons. I probably fear Isaiah most of all. Those are the chapters I usually just skip in the BOM. Nephi says they're clear, I say Nephi didnt get the english translation he got the original meanings. It might as well be greek.

Well I think I'll go and read a book, I'm bored.

Oops!!

2005-11-22T09:32:00.001-08:00

I forgot to stick these two pics in the last post. I LOVE the line up one. Its called Suspects. If you check em out each one has his own personality its cool. If you have no idea what you're looking at see the post posted just moments before this one.

This one's called Gentle. Its aparently showing the kinder, more tender side of a Rock'em Sock'em robot fighter.

Artistic Crap

2005-11-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

I'm a huge sci fi/fantasy geek. Which I think I've admitted to before. I like the new grittier sci fi of today, like Battle Star Gallactica (still need to watch it Robb you'd love it), Firefly, Alien and the like. But I also enjoy the more glamorous, shiny, spic and span sci fi of days gone by. I came across some art online that I think really captures the often whimsical nature that early sci fi. It reminds me of some episodes of Twilight Zone and Lost in Space. Also some of it looks like it came out of an old Superman Comic or even the amazingly drawn animated series of the late fifties. I'm sure you'll be able to spot those ones Robb as they have a very Smallville-esk quality, especially with the basic Superman colors. The artist who produced these little gems goes by Eric Joyner, no relation to Wally Joyner the baseball player...at least I don't think so. His website is here, Robb as I'm thinking you'll be the only one interested in looking at more of it, and maybe Seth: http://www.ericjoyner.com/index.php .

The first picture might be my favorite. It's called Heist. I love the concept its showing and I love that the spaceship is fantastically huge compared to the people being sucked into it. Gives you a real sense of watching this going on from a far off hilltop. Plus the addition of the robot running away is freakin awesome I think.

Untitled

2005-11-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

Getting away from a blog is like trying to get out of one of those Chinese finger traps. Or in the words of Princess Leia Organa to Grand Moff Tarkin "The more you tighten your grip, the more systems that will slip through your fingers." Actually that quote isnt even remotely applicable to the Chinese finger trap analogy. Forget it. Though it is one of my favorite quotes of Princess Leia's, right up there with when she called Han Solo a "scruffy looking nerf herder". Ahh the mythos of Star Wars. Kind of makes you wish you had your own personal mythos that everyone knew and could converse about. I remember having the discussion with my friends growing up about who would win in a force battle between The Emperor and Yoda. Which you actually get to see played out in Revenge of the Sith. It was a draw....I dont buy it. Yoda must have just taken it easy on the Emperor in order to perhaps avoid taking his life. Anyways, mythos. Get one...or several. But my original point was getting away from your blog.

I was straight up sick of it and them. But maybe I'll start posting again. I dont know, but I figured I owed something so someone about posting at least once more. Sorry it isnt much of a post, or has cool pictures and what not like Seth's, or deeper questions about teaching ESL like Robb's, or stuff like Derek's. Yes that was a shot at you Derek. I have noticed that since I'd stopped posting blog entries, my contact with my friends in Utah has all but ceased. But I should ask is that more on me or them? I'm going to go ahead and be unfair and say them. Its not that bad a thing really. It freed me up to do other things? Anyways, I'm getting ready to go to San Jose and up to San Francisco at the end of the month. I'm taking the train which should be cool. I havnt ridden a train since I was in Ireland. Plus I think I'm taking my golf clubs so I can get a game in up there. I wish more of my friends played golf. While it has be described by someone I know as a rich kid sport, complete bullshit-comments like that make me mad mostly cause it shows how ignorant people are, its actually not too expensive and provides a great time to just hang out with your friends. The games we play arnt about winning so much as they are about getting together. Much like my weekly poker games used to be till the Prophet spoke about poker in conference. I havnt played a game since. Anyways, I think I'll wrap this totally pointless post up now.

Dance Dance Revolution

2005-09-26T16:21:00.000-07:00

So I suppose I should talk about my weekend.

Bo and I headed out around 8pm. He's recently off the mission so we talked a bit about the mish. I reminiced about my mission president final interview and the advice he gave me. To my utter shock it flew out of my mouth word for word. I had no idea I'd burned it that deep into my memory. Or maybe the fact that I attach with that memory, the story of another final interview of a fellow missionary. The pres. told him not to marry a bitch. Sound advice I'd say, and that's straight from the Lord's servant. In my interview he warned against the struggles of marrying a sickly woman. Also he laid out five principles to live by, well more like five things to always have going on in your life to stay happy. 1)Read the scriptures daily, 2)Pray daily, 3)Pay your tithing, 4)Always have a calling, 5)Attend the temple regularly. More sound advice from a servant of the Lord.

So Bo and I recalled various companions and the familiar but different questions people often put to missionaries. I asked him if he'd experienced any postmission depression. He said he'd been symptom free and happy to be where he is. That's good news. I had a terrible bout of the stuff. It really grinds you down and tests your faith. He did express some frustration, not unlike my own, about his social standing. Its hard to find a woman here. End of story. So he was aprehensive but optimistic about attending that evenings dance. I was somewhat less enthusiastic though I tried to amp up my feelings by listening to 80s music and some good old fashion latin dance music. It seemed to take my edge off.

We arrived at the dance without incident. As we pulled up to the parking structure a pleasant older gentleman directed me where to park my car. While I was thus engaged with him someone started to scream my name. I looked up and there was a familar face without a name. I stammered for a moment then just gave up. "I can't remember you name, I'm sorry." She was fine with it, I mean it had only been what....? nine years? Her name was Monica. We went to high school together and her brother once tried to start a fight with me outside my sophomore math class. He was dating a friend of mine at the time. She broke up with him shortly after the incident. I think I won the war but he won that battle.

So I told Monica to hold tight while I parked my ride. The dance itself was atop a new parking structure next to a used car lot. The lot was conviniently empty so we were directed to park there and even ushered into parking spots by guys wearing wireless radios attached to their heads. It gave the whole thing a feel of professionalism and planning. Highly unusual for any church function except maybe general conference. We caught the elevator at the bottom but had to get off on the second floor to pay and get our hands stamped. We trudged up the four floors to the top all by our lonesome.

At the top there dance was in full swing, well mostly. There were scattered circles of dancers and a lot of kids by the refreshments. Which were great. Lots of fruit, and other good for you stuff. And somewhere around 100 pallets of water in those little tiny bottles. The DJ seemed to have a good hold on what mormon youth like to dance too. The occasional eighties hit, lots of hiphop and the rare slow dance. We toured the facilites then alighted near the watermellon and chocolate chip cookies. That's when Jenny, the girl I hooked up with, spotted us and made a B-line, date in tow. Poor guy, upstaged by a recently returned missionary and a very handsome, buff youngman, with starteling blue eyes and a confident demeanor. We did our quick hugs hello and intro's and proceeded to the dance floor. This is where things get ugly.

Honestly I was proud of myself for dancing after about 8 or 10 minutes of watching. It's got to be a record for me. Bo however, struggled. But after a bit he got into it and dang that kid can dance. Put me right down to shame. It was fun. I eventually met a young latin girl and we dance several dances together. She was into me and that was nice. Its nice to be wanted and know you're wanted. Eventually the police broke up the dance citing complaints from neighbors as the reason why. Which logically is impossible as we were 6 stories in the air next to a freeway. How anyone could hear us is a complete mystery to me.

Bo and I proceeded to In&Out down the street and got our late night grub on. It was as good as ever. We were joined by the latin girl and her friends. We stayed awhile, chatted for a bit and eventually Jenny came by and went to her place to soak in the hottub. I finally got to sleep around 330, my latest night in a year.

Just Different Stuff

2005-09-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

I think I've read every blog that each one of my friends is connected to. That is saying something. because its like a family tree out there in blogdom. I have noticed a huge error though. My friend Seth doesnt have a link to his blog page, whereas my friends Robb and Derek do. That just isnt fair and I totally appoligize Seth. You'll forgive me I hope as it was a total accident.

I really have nothing to say today. I think I blogged myself out. I definitely enjoyed the summer as far as blogging went because people updated their stuff so often. Now everyone's in school and doing homework and what not so I dont get to feel nearly as included as I used to. Also reading your friends blogs is a great cure for boredom but that kind of goes without saying.

I went to institute last night with my friend Bo. He sure is a good kid. Low key, fun, just relaxing to hang out with. The subject was good, it was section 2 from the D&C. Not exaclty the longest section ever but it probably contains some of the most important verses ever recorded. Imagine that, last night I studied some of the most important words ever penned. It's pretty cool when you think about it. I guess I did do something meaningful this week.

Bo invited me to go with him to some dance down in LongBeach. It's tonight. I don't really want to go. Big crowds at social gatherings bother me. I dont know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing, especially at a dance. I confessed to Bo last night, as we rode home, that I get very timid and feel awkward in big social settings. And he unexpectedly chimed in, "so do I man, I get so uncomfortable." I was suprised by this comment but didn't really pursue it. I commented further that I could only dance to something with steps otherwise I just hold a cup and stand around. This comment brought a laugh. The thought occured to me, we're both uncomfortable in the situation we're going to put ourselves in yet, we're actually putting ourselves in it, why would we do this? I didn't say anything about it but I probably will later during the car ride down.

We both know one person at the dance. Jenny. A girl I made out with a couple of times and tried to and then decided not to date. It's funny, I think she likes Bo. Poor guy. She says she'll find a place for us to stay the night down there. So what I'm going to do tonight is voluntarily put myself in a very uncomfortable, potentially very unfun position. Not have the option to get out of that position until the next day. Robb is saying "good for you man, it'll make you grow." And I say, "I havn't grown an inch since I was 15 and I've grown accustomed to my height."

I do need to do something about my social life though. Things are already kind of rolling. I've made a new friend, I go to institute once or twice a week, I go to YSA firesides. I guess the uncomforableness of a dance is the next step. Maybe I'll even meet some hot girls and dance slow dances with them. Maybe I won't have to jump about trying to dance but looking like my joints have been fused. We can only hope.

I'm really looking forward to Conference next week. I'm excited to see my friends and to get to go to the conference center. Admittedly, I'm also excited to be in a place where there are lots of people my age. It's going to be fun to just be able to do something of the old fun things I used to do in Provo. Like playing golf on a Friday afternoon, or going to the first showing of a movie I want to see. And lets not forget all the eating that's going to be going on. Tucanos here I come. And the meal's on me boys, and hopefully girls.

Sizable Earthquake,

2005-09-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Just a 4.0 followed by a 4.9 not too bad. But the building sure did creak and crack. Soo much better then a hurricane. All done in a matter of seconds.

Limited

2005-09-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's a trying time when you find out the thing you wanted, and had been working at so diligently, is just as far out of your reach as it was when you started. This happened to me yesterday. I absolutely did not see it coming. I thought like most of us do, you put in your effort and time at something and it will get the results you intend it too. It's difficult to accept the possibility that maybe, no matter how much work you do you'll always be denied what you seek. And not because you slack off or lose the mental focus but simply because getting what you want is beyond your control and perhaps even not meant for you. The hardest part for me is that last part. You see others enjoying what you're working for and suddenly you realize, because you've fallen so short, that what they have simply isn't for you. It's just not in the cards. I guess that's what people call life. Some people have everything, some people have nothing. I'm not talking about a situation where I have nothing and someone else has everything, because everyone is lacking something essential, otherwise no one would ever grow. It reminds me of something I saw on my mission, though I've only now made the connection.

In Mexico you never have everything you need... Something essential is always missing.

Plumbing is a perfect example. You may have a nice tiled bathroom, but no water, water but nothing to heat it with, a heater but no gas, an empty can of gas with no where to trade it in. Nothing seems to ever just all fit together, you're always hunting for that missing essential piece. (Is something essential because it is intrinsically essential or does it become essential when we put value on it? When we figure we need whatever it is to press on?) Which I think is what we all are doing. Either looking for the missing piece or trying to reach it, or finding out we're actually missing something to begin with.

I guess what I was saying before I got into those thoughts about the things we pursue is that, we may believe something is essential or it may even be essential but that doesn't mean we're going to have it, even if we work our guts out to get it. I'm reminded of that movie I Am Sam, at one point Sam has a monologue where he tells Michelle Pfeiffer's character what its like to be mentally handicapped, to try and try and try and never get any better. What a heartbreaking thing. So how do we deal with our limits? As far as I know yesterday was the only time I've ever really felt like I hit my limit. There have been times when I've broken down because I thought what was happening was beyond my capability but those times were just a cop out. I have no idea if that stuff was beyond me because I gave up trying.

It was disappointing to see what I wanted and to see it beyond my reach. And having that feeling, this just isn't for you. So what is for me? or us? or them? Many times you feel like there's something there in you below the surface where you can't see. Something staggering and great, but it's all locked up. I once had a discussion with a friend and we both seemed to feel we were caged. Though I feel for me its more this surface thing now. Like if I can just grab a shovel and dig it out I'll see what good there is to see in me and then those things I want but cant have won't have so much weight because I'll know everything I have and can reach, everything that's essential for me. And the things I've thought were essential will lose their essential value to me and become just an option, an addition if desired.

So what do you do when God, or life says, "you can do that but you'll never have it like you want. It will always be less then, instead of equal too."? Do you still pursue it even though you can't get what you want? Do you settle for a shadow of what you wanted? Are you settling when that's as good as you can get but not what you want to get? I don't know. At the moment, I don't feel discouraged, I did but not now. I guess I feel like maybe I can have a form of what I want, what I think will prop me up. And maybe that form will be pretty darned good even if its not what I wanted it to be. Though I'm not settled. I won't settle. I've settled, or given up, or walked away a few too many times. Perhaps this time, if I listen a little bit more to what the powers that be have to say in regards to my goals and desires, I'll end up wanting what I get instead of just getting something and not really comprehending it.

Disenchantment and Selfish Blogging

2005-09-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided that my blog, while occasionally entertaining and usually unimportant, needs some sort of gimmick. No ones reading this thing but you. You know who you are. Is that petty of me? To want someone besides my friends to read my blog? As dumb as it is, I have this silly need for someone besides just my friends to read my blog. Probably because even if it really really sucked they'd read it cause they're my friends. I remember when I had just barely began blogging (blogging ages should be done in dog years or something because they come and go so fast, a two year blog is roughly 45 years old in blog years) I used to really look forward to comments with a near Christmas morning type of anticipation. Now....comments are nice and all, and appreciated ever so much, but its just not fulfilling anymore. Jeez, I feel like I'm breaking up with my girlfriend or something. And I certainly dont want to offend my friends. I read their blogs, I comment, its a very mutually beneficial thing. But I miss the fun of it. Maybe that's what I'm saying, blogging has lost its novelty for me. It probably hit home when I was on the phone with someone and didnt want to explain the goings on because I had already put it on my blog and didn't want to to rehash it all.

That is simply unacceptable to me. I don't like calling up a friend and already knowing how their weekend was because I read all about it. It totally removes people from the connection they're supposed to make. Blog's may give insight or notions or allow for rants but what person doesn't do the same for their friends? How much more comforting is it knowing that there's someone actually physically listening to you then seeing some flat screen blast out electrons that form into words that someone may or may not be reading? It seems so 1984ish to me. Not horribly so but there's a shade and a shadow of the further isolation of people from other people.

Yet I'm not sure that I want to entirely give up blogging or reading blogs. It can be fun. It can be entertaining. It can be, even, maybe fulfilling to a degree?(I often wonder if people use my commas as I intend them to be used. Do they know when you read, especially outloud, you must pause at certain commas so that the author's inflection and ephasis comes out. Did you pause when you read it in your head? Or am I forced to use elipses?) Maybe what I need is purpose in my blog. At the moment I'm just writing whatever. I'm reporting mundane things. Occasionaly something really worthy of a post will pop up like old Kingpin and her dating schemes. But that stuff's once in a blue moon.

I'm not proposing some huge thing just a small change..er addition. It wouldnt even be a continuous every post thing. Just the occasional post. It probably wouldnt make my blog more popular. But it might mean more to me. And I guess blogging is a selfish act. Hmmm....does blogging contribute to selfishness? An interesting question. But maybe I can sidestep the selfishness of it occasionally and do something better. So I think I'll start to review books on my blog from time to time, as I finish them. I've got a list of four books I'm going to buy and then read. I'm currently working on IT. Stephen King's, in my opinion thus far, best book. Even rivaling the whole Dark Tower series. He absolutely grips you by reaching into your head, taking out the eleven year old in you and scarring it to death. The grizzly murders are NOT the scary part, in fact they're a kind of relief. The terror in the little Maine town of Derry is....guess you'll just have to wait till I finish the book.

My Spiritual Landscape Changes

2005-09-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not so musicless after all. On Saturday after replacing some Jack Johnson CDs and that Bob Marley boxset I was able to find the lost music library on itunes. It was so easy to fix it was laughable how hopeless I was about recovering the music. Finding my music was one of many good things from this past weekend.

Friday: Work was rather uneventful. I'd much rather it be uneventful then hectic. The phone rang occasional, I did a little book work and that was it. Pretty low key. I didn't go to the gym because the Young Single Adults were having a fireside that night and Richard G. Scott was the speaker. I had been preparing for it all week by being as well behaved as I could manage. I was actually able to manage quite a bit and it surprised me. The fireside began at 7pm I got there at 6:15. Imagine that, me 45 minutes early. What was even better, when I arrived there were already about 150 YSA kids outside the building waiting for someone to come unlock the building. Eventually someone with keys arrived and let us in. I was happy to be there and I got a great seat on the end of the third pew from the front. As 7 o'clock rolled around it became apparent that Elder Scott wasn't actually able to attend. He has pneumonia and Elder Packer told him he couldn't go. Imagine that. lol. I forgot to mention that the Stake President had called me earlier in the week to ask me to give the closing prayer at the Friday meeting. I was disappointed but also a bit relieved I wasn't going to have to pray in front of an Apostle.

Elder Richards and Elder Staley of the 70 delivered some amazing messages to us. Every major point they shared was exactly what I needed and had been mulling over in my head for a while. Elder Richards hit more of my spiritual needs and Elder Staley absolutely nailed my more temporal needs. Though both of their talks were spiritual in nature they seemed to apply themselves differently to my situation. I was absolutely uplifted to hear Elder Richard's talk about keeping underneath the umbrella of the Lord and making a clear conscious choice to stay underneath it and not venture out. Elder Staley's talk felt more like a no nonsense, coach in a lockerroom, pump you up talk about taking responsibility for ourselves. He really let us have it by telling us in plain terms to stop being mediocre. The Lord made us and expects us to be the most exceptional creatures of all creation. Staley told us that we needed to be courageous, take chances and rely on the Lord and if we did He'd never fail us.

His words just really rang with a lot of truth. I had forgotten how completely reliable the Lord is. Its just who he is. There 100% of the time. I guess over the last few years when I've made some stupid decisions it was because I felt the Lord had let me down. I lost confidence in the Lord because the way things were unfolding in my life didn't match the expectations I had gleaned from the Church. You all know what I mean I'm sure. You have certain expectations, expectations that often are drawn up by members of the Church but ones you adopt yourself. Sometimes those expectations are pretty unrealistic and unhealthy, but other times they seem right in line with what we are taught doctrinally and spiritually. Like the expectation we have that if we're faithful and pray deeply problems will be solved in our lives. I'm not saying that's not right. But what the expectation fails to do is include a clause that allows for the option of extended problems that go beyond the pail of other people's experiences. Getting back to my main point, I lost faith because I was duped into believing that God had failed me.

Why was I duped? How was I duped? I wasn't doing what was right. I had stepped out from underneath the umbrella of the Lord and was exposing myself to all the ferocious winds and storms of the adversary. Its very easy to become disoriented when there's a constantly changing landscape in front of you and you become dehydrated and hungry. Very easy indeed. Looking back its clear that I realized I'd left the safety of that umbrella after about five months time. Once I realized what I'd done and what the implications were I started to run back to the umbrella. But remember what I said before, an ever changing landscape and no sustenance leaves you disoriented. I ran every which way and tried lots of things to alleviate the hunger pangs and get out of the storm but they were temporary in the least and poisonous at the worst. It wasn't until I moved back to my home town that I got my bearings. And after a year of a steady uphill battle, sometimes sliding back a few hundred feet I've reached some sort of summit. Its not smooth sailing from here but its not such a big incline, and there's regular spiritual food and water.

The talks on Friday were really necessary for me. I feel and believe I'm finally getting a handle on the last of the really bad decisions and I can actually start dealing with other aspects of my life. In college I gave lipservice to future educational and career plans because that's all I could do. I was so lost that making those sorts of huge decisions just wasn't possible. I'd try to think them through and I'd get so bogged down in everything. I had no faith to get any spiritual direction, I couldn't reason them out because I'd lost confidence in my own decision making skills because of the choices I'd made. It was rough. But as I said before, I feel like I've gotten a handle on things or more correctly the handle was given to me.

I didn't mean for this to be such a weird metaphoric post. I'm sorry if it isn't all entirely clear. If I was going to turn this in for a grade believe me, I'd go back and hammer it out clear as day but its I'm not going to turn it in so I'll just leave it as is. It makes sense to me and maybe it'll make sense to you. If not you could always just call me up and we could discuss it. Uberstud-Seth and I did last night and it was a pretty uplifting convo I must say. On a parting note, I turn 26 years old tomorrow...and I got a new suit which I will be sporting at Conference. I hope I see all you guys up there and we can go to a session or two. In the very least Canadian Robb and I are going to see Serenity Friday night so ya'll are invited though I know at least one of you hasn't the imagination for such a film. Oh well your loss.

My Taste in Music is Struck Down

2005-09-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I opened up my beautiful little 12'' Mac laptop and found I had let the battery run down. So I plugged it in and started it back up. I was looking to listen to some music as I ironed. Its a favorite past time of mine. It keeps my attention focused on the ironing and not say the television screen. I've had occasion to look down after 15 minutes and realized that one portion of my shirt is extremely well ironed because I've continously passed over it for the last 15 minutes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The rest of it still looks like the thing that gave birth to all wrinkles. So as I readied myself to iron; plugging things in, hitting switches and listening for the water to turn to steam I glanced over at my itunes display and was suprised to notice it said I had 18hours worth of songs instead of the 2.5 DAYS worth I had the last time I opened the program. I was shocked and bewildered. I closed it down and started it back up again. But to no avail. My entire library of music had been whipped off the face of the earth.

But I still had my trusty ipod....

In an error not unlike that of Apolo 13 I plugged my ipod into my laptop thinking, all I have to do is that routine backup and it will restore all my songs. Instead of venting oxygen into outter space I vented all my songs into that computer generated ethereal space.

I plugged my ipod in and zap, in a few seconds my other back up library of music was whipped out. This time by my own hands. I felt like Ceasar, "etu ipod?" I just sat there starring at the screen. All my CDs, all my college roomates CDs gone in a flash.

"At least I have all my favorite CD's in my car."

Fast forward to Wednesday of this week. I got all dressed and ready to go to work. I strolled out to my car and unlocked it. Slumped down in the drivers seat and suddenly got that feeling that somethings not right here. My glove box was open, as was the center consol, and the change drawer. "What the heck!?" I exclaimed. I looked in the back seat and there was all my back seat junk alive and well. That's when I turned back forward looked down between my seats where I stick my CD case, well where I used to stick my CD case. It was gone. Along with about four years worth of my favorite disks. I got out of the car circled around to the other side where I noticed the passanger door was unlocked and a part of the window casing was torn up. "Oh man...this SUCKS!" I said to myself. I had been robbed. Robbed blind of all my music. Well whoever it was I hope they like a mix of latin, reggae and rock cause that's what they're getting. I was left with six CDs I collected from the back seat, the CD player itself and underneath one seat. I've got a Norah Jones CD, one CD from that limited edition Bob Marley boxset, Guero, the sound track to Master & Commander, the What Women Want soundtrack and Maroon 5s first disc. I'm not exactly beaming about my measely six CDs.

In the course of a week and a half all the music I loved to listen to was erased or stolen. I guess someone was trying to tell me to get better taste or spend less time listening to music. Well, I got the message loud and clear, not like I had a choice. I guess I wont be buying myself that new ipod nano for my birthday. I mean in the very least it will easily fit my meager CD collection.

So now I'm starting all over from scratch. I think I'll start with Bob Marley's Legend CD. Its a classic and something I'm going to need to get through buying all the others. I mean where can I find another "Latin Mix" made by my friend Trisha that we used to salsa dance to? Or how am I going to replace Donde Estan Los Ladrones, that I bought at a huge tiangui in La Perla, Mexico City? What about my Weezer CDs that kept me company on the long bus rides through the English country side while I was on Study Abroad?

I know I can buy new Cds of the exact same music, and the music itself is what I associate with those experiences. But until I can buy them again, I'm basically out 375 memories and that's a conservative estimate, VERY conservative. That's 25Cds with 15 songs apiece. Lousy theiving jerks, stupid computer glich. I guess I'll just start to buy one CD a month. Those of you that still read my blog, please feel free to make suggestions as to what and who I should buy next. And for those of you that just bought a Mac and Ipod...beware. Don't put your trust in the arm of the electronic because it will fail you. And dont suppose locked doors are any sort of a hinderance to dishonest persons seeking to increase thier CD collection or available funds.

Well that's about it.

Oh man!!...they also took all the quarters in my little storage bin...son of a B!!

A Bevy of Insubstantial(not of substance)Stuff

2005-09-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have bloggers block. I can neither create nor finish a blog post.

I feel I should inform you of my weekends activities as they were rather enjoyable yet they lack substance. I went clothes shopping on Saturday and got a dress shirt, a polo shirt and a t-shirt and the new Beck CD. Man oh man, you've GOT to pick that one up. Its like someone bottled up rhythm, added some funk, and some lyrics then stuck it in a paint shaker for a few days. It comes out in a beautiful shade of silky blue with gold flecks. It is NOT to be missed. You've probably all already bought it and I'm just catching up, but not for lack of trying. Its been sold out the few times I've gone to look for it. So that was a happy purchase. And the blue stripped polo was an instant gratifier too. It fits well, and my mom said its "cute". I'll have to throw it in the arsenal if I ever get to take out that girl I met at the CES fireside last night. She's moving back to Hawaii but she didn't say when, and all I got was a first name. So the shopping was good.

Sunday was probably the best church day I've had since my mission. I can say that with complete honesty. I'd say everyone in our ward has taken President Hinckley's (or Hinkle if you're my convert grandma) invitation to heart. Everyone was prepared. Speakers, teachers, students. I've never seen anything like it. Everyone had read the material, was making valid, insightful, spirit inspired comments. Basically it was a working ideal Sunday. I've never experienced anything like it. I hope it lasts cause it made such a huge difference to me. I also went to the CES fireside last night. I thought it was pretty good. She reminded me about a lot of things I'd forgotten I'd learned about scripture study. And low and behold I met a girl there. There were probably 10 guys and two girls. One of the girls was so hot. She was exactly my type. Brunette, dark eyes, just a beautiful face and an athletic body. But she was sitting with this guy so I couldn't tell if they'd come together or what? In conversation he mentioned he'd be moving to Provo soon and started talking about women and I was like sweet, he's not with her. I wasn't exactly Don Juan, as I only spoke with her for a few minutes, but she was giving one or two signals. Or maybe she just had indigestion, anyways she's probably on her way back to Hawaii. But it was nice to actually meet someone finally, even if it was basically a ships passing in the night deal.

I also made a new friend which is nice. He's my friends bro-in-law recently returned from his mission. He's a fun kid and I'm trying to get him a membership at my gym so I can, at long last,(that little phrase is just stupid...I mean look at it, at long last, what does that even mean when you pull the words apart and sit them next to each other?) have a lifting partner. Plus he has this van that has a vanity plate. It says roxygirl, as in roxy girl surf stuff. Its his mom's old van and its hilarious he has to ride around in it. I told him to lower it and get a mural on the side but he wouldn't agree to it.

See like I said at the beginning of my post, not a lot of substance just stuff. I was happy to read my friend's blogs though and see they're getting along well. It would seem Derek has had some epiphanies lately about love, relationships, friends, life, and just everything good in general. That's fun to watch. Uberstud-Seth is hard at play with a new Mac...oh man I'm simultaneously jealous, nostalgic and happy for you. I remember my first while with my new Mac and the many many many times I'd take it out look at it and just bask in its sleek, cool, steely, coolness (DAMN that's some seriously freaking awesome word usage, can I just say that. I mean I'm using the word cool like four different ways there and you've GOT to give me some credit using sleek and steely only separated by another equally chido word.(USSeth can explain the word chido for you).) And Canadian Robb continues his mountaineering adventures atop Mt. Timp. Jeez man you just love life and death peril don't you. You're an adrenaline junky who cant seem to get access to parachutes or bungy cords so you just throw yourself off stuff and hope for the best.(that was actually a deep comment about the way you live your life and not just a surface observation about an actual event) As for the rest of you that read my blog....oh yeah there is no rest of you. Maybe someday I'll have a bigger audience to wow with my...Actually I've got nothing to wow them with so never mind. I'm going to take an early lunch.

Peaceful but Oh So Boring (Now I know why I couldnt stand most of Utah)

2005-09-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

I was totally going to post last week but I couldnt get around to it. I was actually busy at work. That hasnt happened since...I dont know May, early May. So its been nice to have something to occupy my time and my mind. I'm happy to say that last weeks low point has come to an end. As I said on a friends blog, I'm better then I've been in a year or so. I thought "maybe its just the juxtaposition of depression and normalness" but now I think its more then that. I havnt solved any of the issues that made me unhappy, or at least came into relief when I was unhappy. I still know I need to make decisions and I'm still not pleased with my current situation. But I feel ok about that....with the fact that I'm just kind of in a holding pattern right now. I can probably list some of the reasons I know of that I'm feeling better but I dont feel like it. I'd rather talk about some of the reasons I speculate why I'm feeling better.

Being busier at work could have something to do with it. Going day after day, week after week and not feeling like I've accomplished anything could really have gotten me down. I mean, on Saturday I went and put in two electrical sockets for my Aunt and I got the biggest sense of accomplishment. And putting in electrical sockets isnt that big of a deal. It takes all of ten minutes and a screw driver. Basically a trained monkey could do it. But doing something after doing nothing for a few months feels pretty good.

I started to go to institute again. After my summer hiatus(sp) classes started again last Thursday. It was so nice. And there were new people there, though sadly lacking in girls near my age. But there were lots of new guys, some converts and they're always fun to hang with. Also I'm going to General Conference in October. I'm trying to get tickets from as many people as I can. I've got my Bishop out fishing for them as well as my Stake president. Hopefully he'll get some from one of the 12 who is coming to our stake conference.

Rereading this post it has become apparent that when I'm relatively happy, I'm also pretty dang boring to read. Sorry about that. It would seem when I'm making progress spiritually that I lose some of my zing. That stinks huh?

I was talking on the phone with my buddy Derek a day or two ago and in the middle of our convo I got another call on the home phone so I set Derek down and picked up the call. Turns out some lady in my ward is making a bulliten(spelling SUCKS) board and wanted pics from during and after my mission. So I made polite convo with her and sent her on her way. I picked up the phone and Derek commented on how I had completely changed my dimeanor(I want to learn how to spell, someone please help me. Not knowing if I'm right or wrong is maddening) when I was talking to the lady. I readily agreed that I had. Though I didnt even notice it. My voice went up an octive and became positive, respectful and pleasing. It was wierd, and it makes me wonder how much I do that. I did it cause that's the way I need to appear to people at church. I think everyone does it. We're a version of oursevles. The version we think everyone needs to see so they dont see the parts of ourselves we hate. I guess that's ok. I know I wouldnt want to go around watching everyone let their huge personality and moral faults just hang out. At least this way we see something in other people to shoot for.

Though it does create a problem discering whether or not our friends or family are being honest with us in how they're doing. I know I try not to let on how I'm doing to my family. I'd just as soon they didnt know. Which is dumb. Anyways. I realized just now that I'm starting to get rambly, preachy and kind of deepish so I'm going to stop. I started out boring and skipped right over to mind numbing. I appoligize. Anywys, I'm going to try and get more work done. Hurray. Good lord I'm boring even I want to just click this window shut and go find a flash game.

Those moments that just make you go WHAT THE F***!!!!

2005-08-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

I needed to blog about this while its fresh in my mind and my feelings are still ragging.(I hate melodrama on blogs it makes them sooo much less appealing, sorry though I couldnt think of a better word) After a very long while I got an email today from my exgirlfriend. I dont want to tare(somebody really ought to help me with my hominims) her down or anything and I wont. It was just the second to last straw is all. The last straw was actually winding its way to D&C class soon to sign onto the internet. I'll explain in a moment.

I spoke with Derek and Robb this past weekend about how my life sucks. Basically I was having a pity party. Which I'll do about once a month. Which is pathetic and I hate but at least I'm dealing with my emotions unlike you pent up people out there ticking down to a huge explosion/implosion. The jest(sp?) of our convos was that my life is in the crapper. I've got no friends to speak of (YES derek you're my friend, for the love of God) I've got no personal life, a deadend job, no future educational plans, no idea where the hell I'm going in life. Spiritually I'm somewhere between a toxic waste dump and a recycling plant. So you can see this past weekend wasnt one of my easier weekends. I thought I just needed to touch base with some friends and I'd feel better. So wrong, soooo wrong of an idea. I love my friends, even if I only see them once every few months. But I sat through, I dont know, six or seven conversations where (gladly and thankfully) they're doing well or in some cases exceptionally well. I realize it was just my mind at work but their seeming direction, success and happiness served to highlight, underline and then initial next to, my lack of such direction, success and happiness. I dont and didnt resent them. It was painful to have that voice inside your head, (the one that mutters at regular intervals, just giving encouragement and a general positive spin to things) suddenly crack then blast you with the loudest WTF!? you've ever heard. I guess when your own head, independent of you, up and screams bloody murder you should probably expect a bit of a rough time. So getting that email from my exgirlfriend was not welcomed today. In it she expressed regret and remorse for not having communicated with me sooner. That she was glad to see that I felt the same way about things and that she hoped we could salvage something from the relationship because I am "one of the the FUNNIEST people she knows". She hopes we can be friends....I can do that, I can do friends but its going to be a stiff friendship.

I couldnt figure out why she'd have sent me anything at all. But, I figured, things do eat at you if you dont get them resolved so I'm sure that's what it was all about. I was wrong....I was ooohh so wrong. So about the time I finished up reading that email, about 750 miles away a friend of mine was opening up his laptop computer in his D&C class. I imagine he was doing it because he usually gets bored unless its really interesting. So he checked his mail and at that point I hit him up on MSN messenger with an all caps exclamation pointed internet primal yell of "YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS!!!!" he typed back in a calm, measured way, "what?" and i proceeded to let him know that she had finally written me back. He wasnt surprised, and this dismayed me. We talked for a few more minutes about the contents of the letter then he told me something I still dont believe. He said, well you know she's getting married to the guy she met after you, getting married in October.........

I went down on bended knee asking him to please take it back cause that friends is the last straw. She's getting married. We werent madly in love or anything, and I wont pretend that. Its not romantic, my feelings. Its more like quiet rage that everyone else seems to be plugging along just fine and I'm face down in a ditch someplace. This sucks. Its like I missed out on that meeting where they handed out everyones ability to make choices and move ahead with those choices. It wouldnt have been so bad if I hadnt recieved that news today, at least I dont think so. But for those of you that know my very sorted past, and personal struggles with things, it was bad enough feeling like I wasnt and wouldnt amount to anything. To have the whole romantic, relationship, marriage thing placed in front of me for my viewing pleasure.....it's just a bit much wouldnt you say? I know, I know, nothing more then you can handle and all that. Well I think that's pretty much a lie. I've had all I can handle before and it pretty much did take me out. Those last two years of school.... I had more then I could handle and it bounced me around like a pingpong ball. Damn I hate feeling sorry for myself. But really, I kind of need it, I think it lets me deal with really crappy situations.

Now in closing, lets not do that whole, keep a stiff upper lip, things can only get better, it just takes time, you'll get there, its just a trial, but you're still standing even after all that, thing shall we? You all know me, all three of you, and you know I'm just saying whats on my mind. So lets not take what I said to some extreme or "I'm going to call him right now!" place. Read, comment like usual and lets just go about our business and pretend I didnt just throw a tantrum on the interent.

Quantum Mechanics and Childhood(I think the title is better then the post)

2005-08-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

I've once again cleaned off my desk. I cant believe I'm being so productive this week. Usually I just stretch one or two projects over a weeks time, mostly because I can. I mean I could just get right down to the task and get it done but then I wouldnt have anything to do and I'd be back here blogging again. So in order to help you, the reader, out I space my projects out so I dont bombard you daily with new whit and wonder from my very creative brain. Creative...bored its like hairsbreath away from each other for me. But in being more productive this week I've found that the day does indeed go by much faster and thus the week in turn flies by. Why it's already Wednesday.
I remember when I was a kid I used to think that the sooner you went to sleep the sooner the next day would come. So I'd see my brother or sister asleep at night and think they're probably already getting up. I wonder what they're doing. Funny huh? Guess you dont really grasp the concept of time that well. In fact I thinkI remember the very first time I realized that half an hour is like chump change. I was 9 or 10 and I was supposed to go to my friend Neil's house for something or other. He and I were pretty much brothers. Anyways, I was employed in that time honored tradition of asking just how much longer I was going to have to wait for the festivities to begin. My mom pointed to the clock and said "Its 10 right now, you're going at 10:30, think you can occupy yourself for that long?" I looked at the clock and I was absolutely STUNNED by the seemingly insignificant amount of time I had to wait. I ran off without answering, probably on a mission to beat the hell out of Koopa and his Kids on Mario World 3. I loved finding those whistles didnt you? And the giant level, some of the truly sublimest(if its not a word it should be) Nintendo artistry ever devised.
But I remember that before that point, time was totally elastic to me. Minutes were incomprehsible. Hours might well have been days. I mean the three hour block of church were like eons. I'd go in the morning be in classes and Sacrament meeting and come out and think, "it feels like a whole day has gone by." But after that afternoon time calcified into its current ridgid state. Minutes are now comprehensible but are easily the pennies of time and are thus disregarded in small piles here and there, some even in mason jars. Hours are more standard but most things get measured in four hour blocks. 8 till noon, 1 till 5. "Working" hours. Funny how something like your perception of time can just come to life like that huh? Anyways, I still cant believe its already Wednesday. Time flies, once your past age 9 or 10 aparently, or at least once you've realized how short a half hour is. Speaking of which, I've been at this for about that so I think I'll wrap it up. Dont want to pack too much FUN and interesting reading into one post, I might tire you boys out. If that happens call the fire department or a vet because monkeys will be flying out my butt.

Hardline Friendship

2005-08-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

I actually like Mondays generally. I think when you're a teenager and even a college student Mondays suck. It just means more class, homework, reading due, papers due just lots of things you'd rather put off or never do. Mondays as a working man are a little better. I can come in and have a clean desk with nothing on it. That's a nice feeling. I can start on projects, pull out existing ones and shred old ones. Its not bad. Except in an accounting office in the summer sometimes things get slow and you find yourself reading other peoples blogs hoping they'll stop writing cause its so mundane or whiny. The ones that really bug me are the ones where the blogger tries to teach us some lesson or delve deep into their own psychy(sp) trying to help us understand why they're such a loser.(Just in case you're thinking I'm talking about you Derek, you'd be totally wrong. See the benefit of being my friend is youre exempt from all the derogatory comments I make about the public. Isnt it nice knowing you could do whatever and its a consequence free environment?)
I realize my position, I'm here, blogging about blogging. I see the irony. Believe me. But you know someone has to take a hardline on this whole thing and I figure why not me? I mean I'm not too busy, I finished my project for today and my desk is clean again. Might as well take a hardline. Its kind of like "taking a knee" at a sports practice but you dont get orange slices while someone lays out who's shirts and who's skins. I guess my line that I'm simultaneously kneeling on and taking is that blogging shouldnt be about how much better you are then other people, or how you're right and everyone else is wrong. The hardline should be people noting their everyday comings and goings in whatever voice the feel appropriate. Whether that be angry, sad, happy, or some other complex emotion that I can't list. At least that's what I like to read, I mean this is my hardline so its my way or to the back of the line.
I've got three friends that read my blog, as far as I can tell and I enjoy their blogs. Mostly cause they just talk about jersey lifestyle, provo pasttimes or graduate experiences. Its just a slice of life, with the occasional photo. That's what makes it valuable I think. You get to see a few moments out of your friends day that you wouldnt otherwise see or even hear about from them because its their thoughts you hear not their actions you see. You get to look inside their head and see what they thought was noteworthy that day, and what better way to learn about your friends then by hearing their thoughts.
Look at me getting all mushy when I'm supposed to be taking a hardline. I think if I ever have a talk show it will be called Hardline. It would probably consist of my friends and former roomates going on about how people dont stick to our social circle's set of guidelines. For instance, hitting on the girl your roomate has over to hang out with is not bad if 1) you dont know you're doing it, 2) she's way way hot, and 3) he's afraid of you. Robb can vouch for me on that one. Another good example is that swearing is allowed in a few instances but not all the time (we're talking words you wont see in the bible here). You can swear during sports, while watching sports, on vacation, and when playing poker or video games or video game poker and of course while driving around in Provo. See very reasonabl guidelines. All my former roomates can vouch for those rules, we used them and we prospered. I mean look at Robb he teaches English at a University he's practically a proffessor. Another handy hardline I know Seth can agree upon is when I say its best to carry between fifteen and thrity spare pesos around in Mexico to give to someone if they mug you, no Seth? And Derek you and I didnt always see eye to eye on some hardlines but we both agree if you're going to the beach buy the more expensive beach towel cause a cheaper one is smaller, less absorbant and WILL ruin your other clothes and bathing suit if you wash them all together.
Those are a few of my hardlines. Hardlines I think we all can observe and appreciate. Now as for my original topic, blogging hardlines. I guess this particular post doesnt follow that hardline but since I'm opperating in a consequence free environment here (remember Derek) to hell with that (its in the Bible, look it up) I will blog about whatever I want on occasion even if it doesnt have to do with my daily comings and goings. Actually reading the beginning of my blog I did talk about my day so all you detractors can go ef yourselves. Oh man, I miss casual swearing. Anyways, this post is for my friends, thanks for hanging out this summer, or blogging so I could keep in touch and see what Jersey looks like. I had a lot of fun. Have fun at school, I'll keep you posted about the exciting developments in the world of accounting. I know you're waiting with baited breath (I dont think I used the right spelling for baited but how else are you going to spell it?) Later.

Social Suckiness

2005-08-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

My social life is dead. Or maybe its not even that. What do you call something that wasnt even alive to begin with? Inert? That sounds good. My social life is inert. I used to have some fairly strong connections here in town but as the summer passed by and I was often absent those connections got married (ridiculous, a 21yo getting married after like three months of dating (mostly I'm just pissed he got off so easy) but then again he is one of those people who has yet to discover that there are grey areas in the world, its going to suck when he finds that out AND has all that responsiblity of a marraige) and the other ones moving to Orange County. So here I am in Lonersville, population ME. The cousin I used to hang out with went out and got a girlfriend so he's pretty much dead to me. Speaking of girl friends, I actually miss mine. Well I miss having someone but not her in particular. Man what a pity party, its disgusting huh? The problem is I cant find anyone that shares my particular sense of humor. If you dont get the same jokes as me chances are we're going to struggle to communicate. Take my best friend. I love him. I'd do anything for him or any member of his family. But I probably couldnt get him to sit down and watch four episodes of Arrested Development in a row. And hey he's got best friend status here. Not a title I hand out lightly. So I just realized that my best friend doesnt share my exact sense of humor so I guess I destroyed my earlier supposition about communicating and my sense of humor. Oh well most of the things I say contradict themselves at somepoint. But yeah, no social life. I can make an attempt with the kids at my church....I could go to a building across town and go to church for singles only. I dont know. Have you noticed how often I finish thoughts with "i dont know". Not necessarily in writing but in speaking AND chatting.

The only silver lining I can see at the moment is that I'll be running in a 10k race in October that the marines put on. It kicks ass. Its 10k through a minefield of obstacles. By the time you're finished you're a whole different color because of the mud. That's my kind of good time. So to all you freakin losers out there that think I'm a "pencil pusher" or "pretty boy" put that in your pipe and smoke it smart asses. I invite you out to the races and I'll leave you trailing far behind. Wow, that was angry. lol. But I seriously invite any of my readers...there's two of you I think, a whopping two, out to the race on Oct. 8. Be sure and bring some duct tape for your shoes, cause the mud will suck them right off, I've seen it happen. haha. I'll post a map of the course, its not to scale but you get an idea of how many obstacles there are. I dont know how to end this post.

Holy Boredom

2005-08-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I went to church for the first time it what seemed like months. On my way to church I thought "I'm kind of excited and I've kind of missed church." Turns out I was wrong. I was fidgety ALL through it. I was lucky to have my 18 month old niece there to keep me busy and entertained at least for the first hour. I sat there and listened and thought, "man....this is going to be a LONG three hours." I got up more then six times over the course of the three hours to get drinks and go to the bathroom. Of course those two are probably related. It was pretty boring except when I was feeling really socially uncomfortable. Some of the speakers did a terrible job. I didnt expect much as they were 14, 15, and 16 year old girls. I actually got up during one talk and walked out it was so terrible. I felt so uncomfortable listening to this girl drone on and on about nothing, make awkward pauses and inappropriate jokes. It felt like someone dropped the ball on that one. They at least should have been given a scripture to use, jeez.

The last two hours went by at a snails pace. I really wanted to just leave but I figured I would suddenly add a new goal to my ever expanding list. Attend church for all three hours for a whole month, in the very least it kept me in my seat. Sunday school was mildly amusing. And priesthood was alright, though I didnt like the teacher. We talked about marraige and how to treat your wife. My most favorite subjects right? What with my marraige and all just around the corner.

Speaking of marraige we had my cousins reception at my house on Saturday. 150 people came. Out of the 150 I'd say 25-30% asked me when I was getting married, when my "turn" was, when the "big date is", or if I was "geting married/hitched soon". According to my parents, my mom mostly because my dad I think has learned to say nothing on the subject to me, they were just making conversation. You know I dont know anyone that tries to start up conversations asking about other peoples major life decision and or changes. "So when is it your turn to get divorced?" or "I heard you got a 100 on the LSAT, what college's do you think will let you in with that score?" See how it just doesnt really fit in a low key social setting. Heck, forget low key I cant think of any social setting where that's ok, except maybe between therapist and patient. I know those are more negative inquaires but it still proves my point. I mean in Mormon culture not getting married is like getting divorced. Plain and simple. So why would people feel its an appropriate conversation starter? I finally got fed up and one lady got the brunt of my frustration. She asked "So are you getting married now?" (what a dumbass) I was proud of my restraint bytheway. I said, "No, I'm not!" I was pretty forceful and kind of short with her and dang it felt good. I could tell I caught her totally off guard because she stammered for a second with a response, her eyebrows went waaaaay up and she did this half smile that's really more of a show of pain and embarASSment then understanding. Like I said it felt good. I guess passing on some of the uncomfortablness I felt when asked that question alleviated my earlier frustration.

I'm going to lunch though I've got more to add.

A word to my fans....

2005-08-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Derek, bite me!! How's that for a new post.

Consistently Inconsistent

2005-07-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

What's it been like two months since I posted anything? Sorry bout that, I'm sure you're all just dangling there, frothing at the mouth to know what the end of the story is. Much like me and the Harry Potter series. I finished the sixth book about a week ago. What's my take on that section of the whole Harry Potter saga? Kind of saw it coming. Though I didnt anticipate that certain people would do certain things to important characters like that. Man that was a lot of writing to say nothing. Maybe I will make a good lawyer afterall. At the moment I'm kind of starting to study for the LSAT. The next time its given is in October, I do believe. I'm not going to register for it. I can tell its going to take me a little bit of time to understand how to take the test and deal with the logic games and stuff.

I had some interesting experiences lately. I went to Havasu Falls with some old friends. See that's the falls behind me(like how I did that whole picture posting thing its way high tech and design savy, I'm sure my buddy Seth the Salesman would be proud) I highly suggest a visit. Its worth the ten mile hike through killer desert heat. I hadnt really spent that much time in the outdoors in a while. It was nice to get away from all the high tech, flashy, loud, irritating media that surrounds me most days. I actually worked through a few personal isssues while I was there it was very theraputic. One of the things I decided was that I was going to break up with my girlfriend. It really wasnt working out. Well I got back from Havasu Falls and aparently she beat me to the punch. I havnt spoken with her since before I left for my little trip to the great outdoors. So I guess that's how they do it these days. Just cut off contact. Oh well. Now I can go up to Utah visit my friends and not have to feel guilty for hanging out with them.

Man my writing sucks. When I was in school I was writing almost nonstop for my classes but since then I write the occasional blog or email but nothing too elaborate. Consequently my writing style blows as does my ability to express myself clearly. I guess you could say that's another thing I learned on my little wilderness adventure, how much I miss writing. If you really enjoy writing and research you'll understand what I'm going to say. When you're trying to hammer out your final draft and you're searching for those oh-so-perfect words or phrases to get your meaning as clear as possible and then suddenly they just burst out of your brain like a 100 miles an hour baseball made up of....damn. Lost the thread. Eh, it was a pretentious sentence anyways and frankly, I was forcing it. Funny I just told my Old Roomate Robb(he will now be known as Canadian Robb), like literally 3 minutes ago, that its sad to read people's blogs and watch them try and be deep and meaninful when really their brains only run ankle deep. Perhaps I might fall under that catagory or maybe I should just not force myself to be deep and just float by on an inflatable pool raft or maybe even those like plastic blue things that just kind of lay low in the water, man those are comfortable. See that was much better and I was being shallow. Note to self, shallowness makes for fun readable writing. I know an exfriend of mine always writes deep stuff. I'll use a friends phrase to desribe his writing style. (though the original phrase was used to describe a mutual friends dating style it should work pretty well.) The exfriends writing style is all candles and smoking jackets. That is to say, a performance, something to create a mood and in this case a persona. Anyways his writing is exhausting to read and really makes him come across as self righteous, and superior. And not that good kind of superior either, like Lake Superior, but the more sneeeoooty kind. Which is sad cause he's not really like that, he is self righteous, but not too sneeeoooty. But back to my main point, my writing is suffereing terribly. Guess that's one more reason to keep a consistent blog. I know Canadian Robb keeps a consistent blog and he teaches English as a Second Language. I'm not sure what the connection there is to good, solid writing but its there if you look for it I'm sure. Let me see did I learn anything else on my trip to Havasu Falls? Oh yeah freeze dried food will give you vivid crazy-ass dreams.

Hope you liked the photo there. I've got tons more Havasu trip pictures here at my msnspace thingy: http://spaces.msn.com/members/prettymuchthebestspace/ . Anyways, I'll do my best to do my duty to be a more consistent poster. And as always, take it easy.

The Wrath of God, A New Superhero

2005-04-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Well its been nearly a month since my last post. Guess I'm not keeping up that promise I made about the regular posts. Oh well, You're over it! This particular post I think is merely to convince myself that I do in fact still post on my blog. If for nothing more. I've got NOTHING to say. Shocking as that might be I have no new adventures to note. There were some people at the end of tax season that I wanted to make a public mockery of on my blog because they were such gigantic horses asses but I talked all about them to my friends and got my rage out that way. In an ideal world I would have tracked the offenders to their homes, flung obsenities at them while pitching eggs at their expensive cars. Oh the shear joy, I can only imagine.

I guess I kind of understand why only God is supposed to deal out wrath upon people. Its such an amazing feeling that I guess only a higher being should be allowed to feel it cause otherwise I'd probably quit my day job and become like the Punisher. If you are not familiar with the Punisher, he's a guy who goes around and punishes criminals when the system fails. He's one of the ONLY super hero that packs heat. Except if you like take that literally then the Human Torch would count too, as would Superman, and Jubilee of Xmen fame. Jeez there are a lot of pyromaniacesk Superheroes out there. Should we really be looking up to these people? I'd say yes cause they only burn things in the search for justice whereas I as a youth would burn things cuase my mom left the matches out. If you want a cool burn, there are two I highly recommend. The first is a pingpong ball. You will not believe it, the way these things go up. Some of the puriest joy is to be had torching pingpongballs. The second while not as flashy or glamourus as a pingpong ball, is an all time fave and as satisfying as a good pizza. Get yourself a legoman/woman(dont want to leave out one gender and have them not expierience the satisfaction) and light their head on fire. Its slow, kind of smokey but oh so satiating. Plus you can laugh like a James Bond villian mean while. If you've got fire crackers or a book of matches, that's a whole other post my friends.

I think I need to do a whole post on superheroes. I have no clue what I'd say but I assure you it would be profound and probably change your life, how you view yourself and your relationship with others. Yeah I can pretty much wax philosophic like Confucious. He's the man, by the way. If you've never read his stuff, he's got GREAT stuff, you really should read it. But superheroes...dont get me started. Love 'em. And what redblooded American kid doesnt love superheroes. That's like hating the beach, or chocolate. And for you chocolate haters out there, look for me on your front lawn with a Costco size carton of eggs, and you might want to cover your children's ears, here comes the wrath.

The Semi-Blind Date and My Triumph Over Evil Corporations

2005-03-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

Enron Dating Tactics

I’ll apologize now cause this post is LONG. It seems like the most pleasant events of your life happen on weekends, or during the summer. This past weekend was simultaneously pleasant and unpleasant. The weather was summer like and it was a weekend, which would lead one to believe that good things were in store…not quite, but they were at the same time. Tough to explain. See about two weeks ago tomorrow I got a call on my cell from a number I didn’t know. A friendly piece of advice, if you don’t know the number NEVER answer. But I did. And on the other end of the line was a young lady that I’ll call The Kingpin. Now I knew who this girl was because I once gave her a ride home from a church thing. I’m pretty religious by the way. Though some of you that read this have witnessed me being anything BUT religious but who cares what you think you’re going to hell anyways…actually LDS people don’t exactly believe in hell but that’s a discussion for another day. Now THAT’s a run on sentence. Back to the phone call. The Kingpin and I hardly know each other. In fact I didn’t really care for her when I did give her a ride. She talks incessantly, and is just weird. The kind of weird that makes you feel both sad for them and a deep fear that they’ll latch onto you as a friend. So she asks if I remember her and I think “it’s hard to forget a person that makes that bad of an impression” but I answered in the affirmative. She then proceeds to ask me out, beeehhhh (shivers), and not for that week even but for more then a week later. She says that her company is having some sort of “party” (her words exactly, remember those words) and she’s “ been given the option” (exact words again) to bring someone.

Sidebar (not so much on the side or in bar form)
Let me make a little sidebar here right in the middle of the page. Guys have no clue how to say no. We’re not all that used to getting asked out. So if you ask us out you can get a pretty confused yes, to a volatile no. Or a yes with a call back break it off. Or you might even get a stand you up. And the occasional yes with an actual follow through date. It’s just a guy’s gut reaction that you’ll get. It might even be part of the deep down fight or flight reflex, I can’t say for sure. So bottom line, ask a guy out at your own risk cause they can be like cornered wounded badgers, and they’ll just charge you and eat your face. That parts metaphoric; I’ve never been one for red meat. As you’ll come to see, The Kingpin got mauled.

So as I hang up the phone I get pissed. At myself mostly, for not being able to see what was coming and stopping it dead. So I have that hanging over my head for the next more then a week. I’ll think “oh man Aubrey’s coming to visit next week”, and it will be followed by “but guess what you get to do THIS weekend?!!” And my happy mood would be shattered. So as the more then a week progressed I waited for her to call. Yet she did not. So my hopes began to grow that perhaps, just perhaps she was too nervous to call back.

Thursday arrives. As I get out of the gym, I notice that I’ve missed a call. I call back the unknown number, hoping against hope it wasn’t her. The phone goes to voice mail, and I just thank my lucky stars. It’s her dad’s cell. (Now an even bigger alarm bell should have sounded, who gives out their dad’s cell phone number as a call back for a guy asked out?) I leave a quick message and chalk it up to good fortune. She doesn’t call back that evening.

Friday day. I keep my cell phone in the bottom drawer of my desk so the receptions so bad it’s on Roam. “This way”, I think, “I can possibly get her call and I can blame it on the phone. Perfect GENIUS!!” Remember who else thought they were a super genius…Wiley Coyote. He ended up a puff of dust at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. That’s a pretty huge metaphorical punishment. What would the real world equivalent be? What fate awaits me?!

I wait on. Three o’clock, four o’clock, five o’clock…nothing. I start to think, she really didn’t want to go or something has come up. I decide to go the gym as usual. I can’t WAIT!! About half way to the gym, stuck in traffic with no where to run the phone rings, I look down and someone has left me a message. It’s her. So out of sheer guilt I call her back. This next part….you will not believe.

We do small talk for about ten seconds. Then she cuts to the chase. She explains it starts at 7 and that they’ll (THEY’LL) be leaving from her home at about 6:45. The dress is business casual but I shouldn’t feel obligated to dress like that even though they’ll (THEY’LL) be dressed that way. The next part was a gift from heaven I swear. I look and I see that I’m about 300 yards from my gym. So I start to do some quick thinking. I ask her “So what’s this thing all about anyways, its like a party you guys are having?” Dead silence. “Umm well it’s a conference, and So-and-So will be talking to us about our future, and what we can do right now to have some economic stability in the future. Because as you know businesses today struggle to blah blah blah…” After she finished her little spiel she mentions that afterward we’re going to the dance at the church. And asked if I knew where it was. I have to admit I was shocked by her explanation of what she had asked me out to. In fact that shock quickly turned to anger. I was almost willing to go with her till she basically told me it was a sales pitch. So I told her I wasn’t sure where the dance was and she responded “well I’ll find out for sure and call and email everyone else I asked to go.” I was like “everyone else?!” Then she said that she had asked a few people to go.

So I start in with the excuse to break off the date cause at this point I’m pretty damn sure I’ve paid my dues. So I say “you know it takes me about two hours at the gym, (total lie) so I’d probably be way late to the conference how about if I just meet you at the dance (another total lie).” It really was more a statement then a question. Now the next part I’m truly proud of myself for. She asks in a semi distressed manner “You mean you’re not going to the conference?!” and I respond with a very firm if not a little elated “NO!” “That’s just really not my thing. I’ll just see you at the dance.” She says, “Ok, well umm, I guess I’ll see you then, at 10:30.” And I think, “On a COLD DAY IN HELL, I’ll see you there!!” but respond “Sure!”(said with not a little sarcasm). Then I say, “See you there!” and hang up quickly. At this point I’ve pulled into the parking lot of my gym and am freakin’ the happiest man in the parking lot by far. I’ve just saved myself from a horribly Tony Robinsesk evening. By the way Tony Robins scares the crap out of me. I feel like he’d just eat someone he picks out of the audience. He’s a giant with a taste for humans, I’m telling you. So that’s the story of my latest blog worthy event. Sorry its so freakin long. But I really wanted to get all the details. One scary detail I left out was that of the math. What do I mean by the math? The conference started at 7 she was going to show up at the dance at 10:30. HOW LONG WAS THE FREAKIN CONFERENCE?! The dance started at 9 so she's saying it'd be three and a half hours long. GOOD, LORD!!

Toilette Humor: Not My Most Proud Post

2005-03-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

Alright, this is it. I will start posting regular entries on..in..at my blog. I’m still not quite familiar with the terminology yet. I’m sure the novelty of the newness to blogging will ware…wear off soon. Let me explain early on (newness reference #4) that I cannot spell. Its not something I particularly care about, but it must be noted so you all don’t think I’m some big old uneducated guy. In fact I’m not any of those things, big, old or uneducated, though I am a guy, through and through but that’s the subject of a whole other discussion. I’ve been reading some blogs lately to kind of get a feel for them (newness referece #5, they’re coming farther and farther in between. Maybe its like reverse contractions, now that I “gave birth” (newness reference #6) they’ll peter (I know.) off.) That was quite the parenthesis thingy huh? So anyways back to what I was saying…jeez I really wasn’t saying anything at all was I? Man blogging is amazing. But I did want this post (ha! I’m pickin (newness reference #7) it up fast) to have a subject not just some ramble. Now this is something I’ve been working on in my head for a while. I noticed it one day while I was relaxing in the men’s bathroom at the office.

Semi-public restrooms are strange places. Not earth shattering I realize but let me share with you some of the going’s on at my little corner of the toilette universe.

Cleaning Lady Conundrum
Our building has a cleaning lady. In fact I suspect they have several. But the one for our floor is something of an enigma. I’ve spoken to her on several occasions and she has a particular way of speaking that’s ummm, unusual. First several employees and I suspected she was speaking Spanish. Now I should be able to spot Spanish when I hear it, I’m kind of fluent in it, but not this time. Then later after some tests we conducted (me staying at the office late and saying hi in the hallway) we determined that it was in fact English. The reason we couldn’t understand? She appears to be deaf and has learned to communicate audibly. Now I’m not one to poke fun at the handicapped…. alright I do it often…but its hard to understand deaf people sometimes when they speak audibly. So yeah, she speaks English but is deaf. What’s the connection to the restroom? One day I was washing my hands, the door opens slightly and there’s a knock and some sort of unintelligible (I can’t spell but BOY do I know some big words, see I’m educated) voice. I respond of course, with a noise merely identifying that there’s someone inside. The doors shuts and I dry off my hands. As I come out the door who do you think I found there? The deaf non-spanish speaking but kind of English speaking cleaning lady. And she says, “Sorry”, when I come out. Apologizing for walking in on me. Now my question for you, if she’s deaf HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW I WAS IN THERE? I have no clue, neither does the rest of the office staff, or my parents, or friends. As you can see, it plagues me. And yes the office staff always shares what happens in the restrooms. We’re used to having a whole building to ourselves and now we’re in a bigger place and share with a few other businesses so we’re always running into “interesting” people in the bathrooms and hallways. So there’s the riddle of the non-spanish speaking but kind of English speaking cleaning lady.

Men’s Public Bathroom Saloon Theory

Now I don’t know many women that spend time in men’s public restrooms. Except maybe the cleaning lady that I’ve decided to call Daredevil in homage to that other handicapped super hero. Though she’s not all that super, she’s just able to sense when people are in bathrooms. Not exactly heat vision, I know, but hey when you can’t hear you take what you can get I guess. So back to men’s restrooms. I’ve been working on this theory that connects men’s restrooms with the Saloons of the old west. Now guys can tell you their bathrooms are as near a sanctuary as you can get. There’s reading material, and there’s a chair where you can “relax”. Not much but we’re a simple people. So you come to these public restrooms and you find all manner of….relaxed “behavior”. Now the saloons of the old west were places where a man could go to “relax” as well. And was an outlet for all sorts of “behavior”. And I’m sure the smell of the two places is roughly the same. For example, the spittoon. What could be more relaxing then having a good spit. And I’ve noticed that many guys use urinals as such. I guess they make fantastic spittoons. Even better then the old ones cause you don’t have Gus the town’s old prospector getting plastered and putting his foot in it and spillin it all over your new bottle of Kentucky Red Eye or getting it thrown at you in a bar fight. You just push the handle and BAM it’s gone. Of course the reason I’ve noticed the whole spittoon thing is cause they don’t actually push the handle or in some cases even hit the urinal. Another evidence of the “relaxed” atmosphere in the men’s restroom is the conversation. For some reason guys get their defenses down or just get kind a friendly when using a urinal and will talk to anyone, even complete strangers. Much like cowboys trading whoring stories over a beer. Those are really the only two connections I’ve got, I’m sure there will be more as time goes on. Also I just thought I’d add I’ve seen guys go to amazing lengths not to have to touch the handle to flush toilettes or urinals. I mean they’ll step on the handle or kick it. And I swear to you I’ve seen someone push down a handle on a urinal that’s as high as 5’. I kid you not. And he did it like it was THE most natural thing in the world. I was like “jeez man ever think of taking up hurdling”? So yeah that’s the Saloon Theory.

The Asspants Confession

While on the subject of men’s restroom’s I have to share this incredibly embarrassing story, mostly at the request of my Old roommate Robb, who I’ve mentioned before. I’ll let you in on a secret, I can get pretty vain. So yeah if there’s a mirror I’ll check myself out, mostly to make sure my flys not down and that my shirts not all twisted around my waste. Now the story begins when I bought some new dress pants. I had just ruined three pairs of slacks in three weeks time. One to bleach, one to a print toner cartridge that also died part of my leg blue and painted my hands up like I’d stolen money from a bank and the little ink cartridge had exploded, and a third to a whole in the butt. So I went and picked up some new slacks. Man they’re sweet! So yeah I tried them on at home and they fit great, in fact I noticed, and yes go ahead and laugh, they made me look like I have a great ass. Now I’m just man enough to admit that I noticed that. So please let it go. Moving on. Fastforward to Monday at the office. I went to the restroom, did my business and washed my hands. Then noticing I was alone and I decided to check out my ass in the mirrors. I was busy checking myself out and suddenly I heard the door open, I looked up but no one came in. So I exited the restroom and there was this guy right outside the door, kind of waiting to go in. And umm yeah so he caught me checkin’ myself out in my asspants, as my Old roommate Robb has decided to call them. Man I feel better now that I’ve just humiliated myself in front of the whole internet. What will I post next? Who knows, but this is the last time we talk about the ass pants. Unless you’re my long distance relationship interest Aubrey. She gets a huge kick out of my ass pants story.

Hair today, insane tomorrow

2005-02-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I've waited so long. But I guess I've just been saving up. The top of the list today...I got a haircut. Now I used to have a girl that cut my hair and it was like heaven. She washed it, conditioned it, massaged my scalp even. And then she'd give me a stellar cut and styling. Then two weeks later a free clean up, FREE!! She's amazing. Since I've moved I've been seeing a new lady, and I have to say lady cuase she's, in my opinion, too old to be cutting my hair. But I go to her cause I'm sure as hell NOT going to Supercuts. The new lady, charges waaay too much, and does waaaay too little. And today....she crossed the line. Near the end of the cut, she pulls at the hair at the back of my head and goes, "Hm!" "I think your hair is changing." Now of course instantly this sets off all KINDS of alarms. What could that possibly mean? Maybe it has to do with the fact that the clippers she used ripped out my hair until she figured out it needed oil, or maybe that she made me wait 20 minutes past my appointment. But no, I, like an idiot had to ask. "What do you mean by that?" And her tactful, gentle response..."Well it means you're goin' to lose your hair." Now i dont know how many men out there have had someone tell them this, but can I just say it was the emotional equavalent to being kicked in the crotch by a Clydesdale. After delivering her news she proceeded to style my hair like a cross between Hitler and Ryan Seacrest. It was to say the least tramatic. So now I'm on the hunt for anything that will promise me more hair time. Please let me know if you've heard of anything that can help a 25 yearold with thinning hair.

Introductions

2005-02-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

So my bud and old roomate (both old in age and in wisdom) suggested I start my own blog and who am I do deny the man a request/suggestion? Apparently he deems what I have to say or write worthy of a free publication on the world wide web. I'm not sure if that's a dig or a compliment cause have you seen what's out there floating around on the web? But I digress, a phrase you'll fine I use often, back to the intro. I'm Seth. So intro done. I'll add more about me, my whereabouts and as my good friend Brandon says "how I roll".