Monday, April 25, 2005

The Wrath of God, A New Superhero

Well its been nearly a month since my last post. Guess I'm not keeping up that promise I made about the regular posts. Oh well, You're over it! This particular post I think is merely to convince myself that I do in fact still post on my blog. If for nothing more. I've got NOTHING to say. Shocking as that might be I have no new adventures to note. There were some people at the end of tax season that I wanted to make a public mockery of on my blog because they were such gigantic horses asses but I talked all about them to my friends and got my rage out that way. In an ideal world I would have tracked the offenders to their homes, flung obsenities at them while pitching eggs at their expensive cars. Oh the shear joy, I can only imagine.

I guess I kind of understand why only God is supposed to deal out wrath upon people. Its such an amazing feeling that I guess only a higher being should be allowed to feel it cause otherwise I'd probably quit my day job and become like the Punisher. If you are not familiar with the Punisher, he's a guy who goes around and punishes criminals when the system fails. He's one of the ONLY super hero that packs heat. Except if you like take that literally then the Human Torch would count too, as would Superman, and Jubilee of Xmen fame. Jeez there are a lot of pyromaniacesk Superheroes out there. Should we really be looking up to these people? I'd say yes cause they only burn things in the search for justice whereas I as a youth would burn things cuase my mom left the matches out. If you want a cool burn, there are two I highly recommend. The first is a pingpong ball. You will not believe it, the way these things go up. Some of the puriest joy is to be had torching pingpongballs. The second while not as flashy or glamourus as a pingpong ball, is an all time fave and as satisfying as a good pizza. Get yourself a legoman/woman(dont want to leave out one gender and have them not expierience the satisfaction) and light their head on fire. Its slow, kind of smokey but oh so satiating. Plus you can laugh like a James Bond villian mean while. If you've got fire crackers or a book of matches, that's a whole other post my friends.

I think I need to do a whole post on superheroes. I have no clue what I'd say but I assure you it would be profound and probably change your life, how you view yourself and your relationship with others. Yeah I can pretty much wax philosophic like Confucious. He's the man, by the way. If you've never read his stuff, he's got GREAT stuff, you really should read it. But superheroes...dont get me started. Love 'em. And what redblooded American kid doesnt love superheroes. That's like hating the beach, or chocolate. And for you chocolate haters out there, look for me on your front lawn with a Costco size carton of eggs, and you might want to cover your children's ears, here comes the wrath.